Today’s question: I recently started my first relationship outside my marriage, and it’s going very well. Here’s the odd thing: Things with my spouse have gotten hotter and more intense at the same time! After all these years, why would there be new relationship energy in my marriage?

You may be having new relationship energy because your relationship *is* new. The rules of your marriage have changed.  There are new facets and new experiences and new things to talk about.  You’re discovering things about yourself through your interactions with your new partner, and being seen through new eyes. And your spouse is being reminded of what a loving and appealing  person you are, not to mention that glow one gets from a fresh relationship.  With all that, how could your existing relationship not change?

And how wonderful that your spouse is feeling it too.  You get two new relationships for the price of one!  Especially when polyamory is new to an existing relationship, some people find the transition tricky to manage or even threatening.  I’m delighted to hear it works so well for all of you!

You’re learning something that’s inherent to polyamory: It’s common for lessons learned in one relationship to inform and brighten others. That’s just one of the good parts.  So, congratulations and enjoy!