Everyone knows that communication is essential to good polyamorous relationships. That becomes just a little harder when different partners prefer different platforms – and you have to remember which is which. There’s the partners who text, and the partner who only wants to use Facebook Messenger, and the partner who is on Signal, and the partner who wants to text an alternate number to use Google Voice… and the comet on Hangouts, and the one who sometimes likes Marco Polo or FaceTime but not Skype… and Skype but not FaceTime… and… and…
Q: My relationship just isn’t meeting my needs. But I’ve put so much time/energy/emotion into this, I hate the idea of giving up on that investment. Wouldn’t it be a waste to walk away?
Well, first, take heart that what you have already put into the relationship probably wasn’t a waste. You learned things, you likely had some good times. After all, there was something there that made you want to invest; at some point, it was worthwhile. The more apt question is whether the next piece of resource you put into this relationship will, in fact, be wasted because there’s nothing more to be gained there.
You can’t get the time back, and you can’t get the resources back no matter what you think of the relationship. What you can do is to not put anything more into it if it won’t improve anything — and especially if doing so takes away from your ability to put resources into a more rewarding relationship.
It’s like the joke about the guy who was walking back and forth, looking at the ground. A cop asks what he’s doing. “I lost my keys on 20th Street,” he says. “Why are you looking on 18th?” asks the cop. “Oh, the light’s better here.”
You don’t need to put your energy into where you are; you need to be where the love is. That’s how you keep from wasting your time. Invest in what can grow.
That next-door neighbor or person you work with.
Do you know if they still have the tonsils they were born with? Do you care?
Do you know if they still have all the teeth they were born with? Do you care?
…then why do you care if they still have the genitals they were born with?