An upcoming visit with a long-distance partner left me wondering: How much do you care what your partners do when they are not with you? I mean, assuming there is basic agreement on safety practices, do you want to know details of their other encounters?

A couple of my partners are very interested in that — or, more to the point, don’t like surprises. They don’t need the blow-by-blow description, but do want to know when encounters occur, and with whom. Others want to know what other relationships are out there, but aren’t interested in details about when specific dates occur, much less details of what went on.

I am solidly in the latter camp. I hope very much that my partners have full and satisfying lives. But when they are not with me, I don’t need to know who they saw or where they went. Obviously, if they are excited about something and want to tell, I will be happy to join in their joy. But I have no need to know (nor a right to insist.)

Agreements differ; your mileage may vary. Does it, and why?