Should your dating partners be within a certain age range?

We’ve all heard the “rule” that suggests partners be at least half your age plus seven years, and no more than your age minus seven, then doubled. (I was told there would be no math.) But this is like the rules about wearing certain color clothes after Labor Day, or acceptable dress styles for older women; somewhat dubious of provenance and based on more on managing societal perceptions than value for a particular person.

The actual optimal age range for a partner can depend on the nature of the relationship one wants; it’s probably easier to interact over a long term with someone relatively close in life stage. But not every relationship is about that.

People of very different ages may have common interests and attitudes, but in other ways — values, cultural references, outside obligations, libido — may be quite different. That’s true of any two people, of course, but a significant age difference can add to the disconnections.

But this is another of those places where the answer may be different for monogamous and polyamorous people. If you’re trying to have all your needs met by one relationship, the differences introduced by age can get in the way. But if you are able to enjoy just those parts of a relationship that you have in common, and find others to meet the remaining needs, an age difference in any one relationship becomes rather less important.

My partners span 10 years to either side of me, but age isn’t terribly relevant — well, chronological age, anyway.  For basic compatibility, synchronicity of maturity and spirit matter far more than what the calendar says.

I don’t understand. Do locker rooms have some Magic Cloak of Disrespect that makes them places where it’s all right to say unacceptable things? Do the people in the locker rooms not interact with the rest of the world? There are no islands for intolerance or incivility – or, at least, there shouldn’t be. The fact that you’re near other people’s sweaty gym socks is no excuse for stuffing your humanity — or anyone else’s — in a locker.

And here’s a clue: if you’re having to defend it in public, or in a political debate, it’s obviously not “just locker room talk” anymore. And it never really was.