A Kink Too Far

A woman recently struck up a conversation with me on a dating app. She wanted me, a stranger, to know all about her sexual history, which had been aggressively and even spectacularly promiscuous. And she wanted me, no, expected me to denigrate her for it, and make her feel bad about it. Because, as she explained, feeling like she was a bad girl was actually a reward to her.

And that was farther than my sex positivity would let me go. I was all for her having a great time, as often and in as many configurations as she cared to. And I love beyond anything helping people’s fantasies come true. I’ve done plenty of things that were out of character just for a partner’s satisfaction.

But when your fantasy is to be degraded for something that is I find morally neutral or even laudable, that’s too far.

The concern, of course, is that it’s a case of turning a bug into a feature — that she was so accustomed to men belittling her for having a sexual history that she tried to find a way to make it a positive. Which is, I suppose, to be commended. But I can’t abet that. Sorry.

Your kink is not my kink, and that’s OK.

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