Your TV show game, that is.

For some people, polyamory can be The Match Game, that instant click!. For others, Let’s Make a Deal, with ongoing negotiation. But to new folks, it’s often Supermarket Sweep.

Do you remember Supermarket Sweep? The object was to go through a grocery store and put the maximum value of items in your cart in a very limited time. Clean off the shelves. Take it all.

Everybody starts polyamory in their own way. But a lot of newer folks seem to opt for the Supermarket Sweep model. Get as much as you can in your cart as fast as you can, and figure out the cost later.

That may be understandable; after all, moving into a world of abundance and choice is exciting. Who doesn’t want more? But that approach is also a recipe for instant saturation and disappointment, especially among partners who may not be that experienced themselves, don’t know that the new person is using that model, and/or without that essential, good communication.

Moreover, the new person may not yet know how to calculate cost, the amount any new adventure or relationship will take from the resources available for existing or subsequent relationships. But unlike in game shows, somebody always winds up paying that cost. Perhaps even somebodies.

How big is your cart? Well, first, how big is your heart?

At least if you have a modicum of self-awareness, the more experienced one gets, the more one thinks about cost long before getting to the checkout. The newbie sees a shiny thing on the shelf and wants it now; the wiser head asks, “It’s awfully attractive, but can I afford it?” Answering that question can involve consultations with existing partners, introspection, and a willingness to postpone or even forego that new entanglement. Which is hard. But in the end, cutting that one episode may keep the whole show from being canceled.