Recently, I had my first erotic dream in a very long time. And it’s left me a bit puzzled.

The dream involved being physically intimate with a friend I’ve admired and desired for many years, but who is in a monogamous relationship. Nothing has happened IRL, and nothing will.

At first, I thought the dream was my brain’s way of looking out for me, saying, “Here, this is what it would be like; now you know, and you don’t have to be wistful about it anymore.”

On the other hand, it could be saying, “Here, this is what you’re missing out on. Doesn’t that make you want it more?“

As if that message weren’t muddled enough, my brain could not possibly be unclear about the fact that this person wasn’t interested in such a relationship. So by portraying the scene, even as consensual activity, my brain is being non-consensual.

I suppose that’s what fantasy is, a realization of something that could not be in real life. But fantasy should be rewarding. Instead, it has left me confused and horny and guilty and still wistful. So good job, brain! (?)

(PS: Brain has since decided that it really wants me to tell the other person that I had a hot dream about them. Which is a 99 and 44/100% bad idea. Not happening.)

(PPS: I’m actually not sure it’s brain that wants me to tell the person about it, but I can’t figure what other part of the body it is. My pancreas, for example, is not that self-destructive.)